Being Asian in America

What is it that bugs me about being Asian in America? It’s the massive proliferation of white people. They’re everywhere- in magazines, movies, TV’s, on the street.

Why does this bug me? It comes from my experience of growing up here in the U.S. as an Asian person. When you’re a child of color and you’re only surrounded by images of white people, that tends to mess with your brain and psyche. You feel excluded and marginalized. It negates your sense of self.

Asians who grew up in Asia don’t have this problem. They were surrounded by positive images of Asians all through their childhood and they carry that confidence with them when they come to the U.S.

When I’m in Korea, I don’t feel this problem because there are tons of positive images of Koreans everywhere. Part of my psyche is at peace and I don’t think about these minority issues.

Slowly but surely the landscape of American pop imagery is changing and we’re seeing more and more Asians and people of color in the media and entertainment. In the meantime, I and other people of color have to grin and bear it.

Full Empowerment

What would it look like if Asians in the United States were fully empowered and self-actualized?

We would see Asians excelling in every arena of American life including politics, sports, the arts, literature, media, the movies, etc. We’re not doing too shabby in the areas of education, the professions and business and we’re making slow progress in the rest. Thanks to our 1st generation parents, we have a somewhat firm economic base and more and more of us are moving into non-traditional fields.

Fortunately, many areas of American life are open to us and it’s mainly up to us to make our mark. If we experience discrimination and barriers in the establishment (which still exist), it’s up to us to overcome them. It we can’t overcome them, we need to make the system fairer. If that doesn’t work, we need to strike out on our own and create our own companies, movies, sports teams, etc. We don’t have to employ these strategies in the order I just mentioned.

In doing this, I hope we don’t lose our traditional cultural identities completely and instead leave a little “Asian imprint” on American culture. Many of us are doing this in the fields we are entering into.

Unfortunately, at the time of this writing, there is still a sore lack of Asians in media and culture. That’s slowly changing but it seems most people we see on TV, the movies and in magazines are white. Hopefully, more and more Asians will be entering the entertainment and media fields and will change the shape of American pop culture. I hope Asians don’t just work behind the scenes constantly creating only western cultural products that only star white people and contain western themes for a white audience.

Someday, it won’t be such a novelty to see Asians in the media. Someday, no one will think twice to see an Asian action hero or lead, male or female. You’ll see a variety of Asians and other people of color in all kinds of roles.

Someday, we Asians will not have to walk into any situation and think twice about whether their Asianness will be an issue. We simply won’t have any more discrimination against Asians or other people of color. Someday. Hopefully soon.

SsanKkaPool vs That Good Old Epicanthic Fold

My first exposure to “Ssankkapool” surgery occurred when my sister told me our mom had it done sometime before she got married. I was 12 years old. It came as a complete surprise. When we asked my mom about it she seemed to want to avoid the question.

Ssankkapool is what Koreans call the “line” or crease that westerners have on their eyelids. It makes western eyes look bigger and gives non-Asians their western look. Most Asians don’t have this crease, causing our eyes to look “slanted”, “sharper” and smaller from the western perspective. Not having the crease gives us Asians our distinct and unique Asian look.

Asians can get “ssankkapool soosool” or eyelid surgery to get that crease and make our eyes look western. This surgery has become extremely common in Japan, South Korea and China and in the Asian diaspora. Many Asian women feel enormous pressure to enlarge their eyes because of the belief that western eyes are more beautiful. If you open any fashion magazine in Asia, it’s full of models, actors and movie stars who have had this procedure done. Men get it done too.

When a person first gets the surgery, they look terrible. Their eyes are puffy and red. Even after their eyes heal, oftentimes, they still look weird. They look a little bug-eyed or something.

For Asians in North America who get their eyes done, it’s oftentimes linked to a sense of inferiority as Asians. Women in Asia who get their eyes done claim that they are not trying to deny their Asian identity but rather they are just trying to “enhance” their beauty. Having been born and raised in Asia, these women are more likely to have coherent Asian identities.

However, what’s obvious is that the standard they are striving for originated in the West and by having the procedure done, they are advancing the notion that western standards are superior. These women might want to think about it this way- When was the last time they heard of a westerner getting their eyes done to look more Asian? Obviously, westerners have a better sense of themselves as westerners and wouldn’t deign to do something so ridiculous.

Some Asian women say they get surgery because it makes it easier to apply eye makeup. Has it ever occurred to these women that they don’t have to wear eye makeup to look good or that there may be other creative, interesting ways to put eye makeup on?

Another thing that strikes me about this phenomenon is how oblivious westerners are to this issue. We Asians are very aware of this phenomenon and many of us can tell who got it done and who hasn’t.

Some people compare this procedure to any other plastic surgery that someone would get, e.g., women getting boob jobs or people getting liposuction or facelifts. Eyelid surgery is slightly different because it’s linked to one’s ethnic and cultural identity. It’s more akin to Black women straightening their hair or Jewish people getting nose jobs.

Fortunately, this eyelid surgery thing is a temporary historical phenomenon. As Asia grows in economic might and becomes more confident, Asian standards of beauty are beginning to reassert themselves. For example, in Asia there is an extremely popular male Korean pop singer named “Bi” (means rain) who has very traditional Korean looks.

In the meantime, I choose to embrace my eyes as they are. They make me unique and reflect the Korean person that I am.

Language and Identity

Language is central to identity. If you lose your language, you lose your identity. This is a truth that underlies my struggle to maintain my Korean identity in the U.S.

Having come to the U.S. at the age of 2 in 1970, I did not have the opportunity to develop the basic rudiments of the Korean language. English was my first language and I always had difficulty speaking Korean.

As a result, a part of me, maybe my Korean self (?) never fully developed. I’ve always felt a sense of incompletion because of this. It also put a distance between myself and my parents.

My parents lacked the resources, time or energy to make sure I spoke the Korean language. As struggling immigrants, they were focused on survival. Moreover, they actually encouraged me to speak the English language because they wanted to make it in American society and lack of English ability was causing them tremendous hardship.

At the age of 8, I went to Korean language school for the first time in LA at the Hankook Hwegwan. I loved it. I learned the rudiments of Hangul, the native Korean script. I remember a 3^rd generation Korean halmoni, who spoke to us about the importance of maintaining the Korean language. It was the first time I had ever seen an older Korean person speak fluent English. It was quite a novelty. However, she spoke Korean with a terrible accent and I vowed I wouldn’t end up that way.

The Korean language schools I attended in later years were terrible. They were on Saturday mornings which tested my motivation and energy to attend. With sincere intentions, the language teachers used strict “Korean” approaches in teaching but it only served to de-motivate us Americanized Korean-American kids.

Learning Korean was always a tremendous struggle for me, partially because it is sooooo different from the English language and partially because I experienced so little support from others. Also, we are living in a heavily English-dominant society.

My parents would generally still speak to me in Korean but my sister and I would always answer back in English. We found it difficult to speak Korean back to them. Partially it was for lack of ability and partially because we felt embarrassed and judged for not being able to speak well. And that served as a disincentive to even try sometimes.

In college, I determined to master the Korean language and started taking Korean language classes. I went to Korea during my summers and spent several years living and working there after college.

I’m happy to say that after years of hard work and self-motivated study, I’ve gotten fairly fluent. I’m comfortable speaking in most situations and I read and write fairly well. I speak almost entirely in Korean with my parents and it makes us feel closer.

Most of all, it’s given me a sense of confidence and peace. I no longer feel “incomplete”. You can say I’ve “recovered” my Korean identity.